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One of my favorite ego-cannons is to pretend everyone on the outside of my wall is wrong. But you’re going to be a man soon, so it’s important to tell you what men tend do with their ego walls—we justify them by pretending they are essential to being a “real” man.

Getting married in order to be happy is the surest way to get divorced. But marriages don’t become beautiful by seeking happiness; they become beautiful by seeking something else. You were born with a good and beautiful heart, and it will never leave you.

Marriages become beautiful when two people embrace the only good reason to get married: to practice the daily sacrifice of their egos. But when I was too harsh toward you, or your friends began to make fun of your extracurricular choices, you started to doubt if your heart was good enough.

Don’t worry, it happens to all of us at some point. At first, we only use the ego-wall to keep people out.

And so your mind began to build a wall around your heart. It’s like a big castle wall with a huge moat—it keeps us safe from invaders who might want to get in and attack our heart. But eventually, as we grow up, we get tired of hiding fearfully and we decide the best defense is a good offense.

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